It's the first one since Jesse's death and I don't know what to do.
We weren't big on the cooking turkey and hosting bit, but we did have a tradition of having Thanksgiving dinner at Christian and Nicole's home and then leaving town for the next few days, usually to Mendocino or Pismo or some other beach town.
I don't know what to do next week.
Of course we have been invited to Christian and Nicole's home this year as well, but I don't feel comfortable enough in my skin to do that this year...without Jesse. I am also scared that I might have a meltdown and then bring the whole party down.
I am still anxious about social gatherings.
Not quite there yet.
I am looking for my new normal.
I want the kids, especially Isis, to have some sort of a celebration of life and love and thanks as well, which of course is encouraged in our home everyday, not just once a year.
So I am thinking of actually making dinner as a family, and sitting down and eating while we share laughs, stories, memories and give thanks to all we have and also give thanks to having Jesse in our lives.
And I am also considering taking Isis to the homeless shelter and volunteering our time for a few hours and donating some of her toys and clothes.
So yeah...working on our new normal.
I still miss you so much babe.
I love you.
Good night, sweet Jess.
At Mendocino last year for Thanksgiving. Isis and Daddy.