I watched the movie, "P.S. I love you", a few years ago and for whatever reason it became one of my favorite movies. I loved the kind of love Holly and Gerry shared.
I asked Jesse to watch it with me and he was hesitant in the beginning and rolled his eyes, even though he watched chick flicks with me all the time.
Oh, and one thing about my Jess...he was a crier.
He sobbed during movies....even chick flicks.
He was so cute!
So one summer, we decide to rent the movie before we head out to Monterey for the weekend. The plan was to watch it in our hotel room. Isis was out of town for the summer, as usual, visiting the grandparents.
Jesse and I took maximum advantage of our child free summers and we felt, and sometimes acted, like teenagers without curfew times or limits.
Once we got to Monterey, and we had our romantic dinner date by the ocean, we realized that we forgot our movie back at home. I got sad. So Jesse looks up the closest Blockbuster near our hotel and we drive there so we could rent the movie. We were adamant about watching this movie that night.
So for those of you who don't know... the movie is about a young woman who loses her husband to an illness. But before he died, he plans a way in which he could continue to "be there" for her after his death through a series of letters. The letters, most of them related to the past they shared together, guide her and prepare her for a future without him.
So we settle down on the bed, cuddle and watch the movie. We laughed and cried...well...mostly Jesse cried while I held him tight.
Since then, it became one of our favorite movies. We watched it again last year with papa Steve and Mama Yoli and Jesse cried again... while I hugged him.
I decided to watch the movie a few days ago...by myself. I got me some ice cream and settled down on the couch after Maya was asleep. I cried the second the movie started, but soon I became numb...removed. I cried every so often and thought about the scenes in the movie that Jesse liked...parts of the movie we discussed. But it didn't effect me the way I expected it to effect me.
It is a movie...
This is my life.
I never once imagined that I would find myself in the same position one day...with my husband gone. Although he didn't leave me any letters for the future, I have his memories, our memories, letters from the past, cards he made for me, and above all...my kids.
They remind me of him and remind me of my strength...the same strength that he admired and fell in love with.