What did I do for a month?
When he passed, it seemed like I wont be able to breathe again.
I know there will be one day when even breathing will seem alright.
Right now it doesn't.
I also saved his cowboy boots that we purchased in a store somewhere on Route 66 during our cross country road trip. His favorite leather jacket, that also served as a baby carrier for Maya since she was a few days old. He walked everywhere with her that way, close to his heart, and Maya loved it.
The red Indian shirt/kurta that he loved so much, that he wore when he carried Maya in his arms while he skyped with papa Steve the weekend before he passed.
It also has his smell.
The pair of boxer briefs he wore to bed that night after his shower is also in the box. They left it for me next to our bed before they took him away.
They left his wedding band on the dresser for me.
As I write all of this down...it seems like I am saving a lot of his things. But there is so much more I want to save. I want to save every single pair of his socks if I could, every single thing he ever touched. But I know I have to let go. And I will.
Right now, I want to continue to see his shirts, blazers, and ties hanging in the closet as I lay in bed.
...as the world continues to spin madly on.